Tenderness

Man, I wish I'd brought my camera with me tonight. Really, you have to experience this city in the middle of the night if you haven't before.

So, the day starts at the office, and I stay late at work, and rush like hell to the apartment before heading up to Swing 46, where I told my swing dance classmates I'd be by 8:30pm. Got there at 8:41pm. That place is amazing; not just for the price of the cover and of the drinks once you get inside, but for the quality of the band and the atmosphere. Harlem Renaissance Orchestra was playing, as they were during our last outing a couple of weeks ago. One of the instructors showed up at a little after 9pm; he danced his ass off with someone who revealed herself as the beginners' instructor that night, with whom I took the brief class. About that time, one of my classmates and our other instructor arrived. A few good drinks and a few good dances later (stretched, torn, bruised, sore ligaments be damned! (even as I type this)), we were out the door a little after 11pm.

An example of why I can't believe I got hired: I caught a cab right out front, at 46th between 8th and 9th, and asked to be taken to 24th and 7th. Through. Times. Square. Of course, there was traffic. But, I dunno—maybe it was worth it. When you have a slight buzz, the back of a cab through Times Square seems like the back of a limo. Lots of flashy lights, people seeking, searching. The ESPN board showed highlights of the Serena Williams match at Wimbledon today. I would have watched it were I still wasting away in Virginia. But here I was, staring out the back of a cab at Wimbledon highlights as if I was crashing on the couch of my Mom's house. The amazing thing about the champion players, like Serena, is how much they make the other player move in relation to themselves. Serena moved about 4-5 feet to either side during one of the highlights I saw. The other, 40-50. Granted, the other player was obviously talented and heroic. But still, it was in Serena's pocket the entire time. You could just tell.

As we were pulling through 41st, 40th and 7th, there was a construction crew (bear in mind this is, like 11:15pm) tearing up part of 7th Ave.—there was a backhoe tearing up asphalt and dumping it in the back of a truck. At first, the operator directed the hoe to strike the asphalt violently a number of times to break it up. Then it dumped the first shovelful. But with the second, it scooped it up, then jostled the scoop a little, then dumped the scoop, and then spread around the dumped asphalt with the scoop a bit as it lay in the back of the truck. Really, who would've expected such tenderness from a backhoe?

After those striking experiences, though, the expense of the cab ride began to lose its luster. I asked the cabbie to drop me off at Penn Station instead, and he obliged. Well, it's wasn't just to save some money— really, at that point, the extra expense was trivial. I really wanted a pretzel. Badly. So I got out, found a street vendor just on the verge of closing (at 31st and 7th), and he fired up a pretzel on the barbie—literally. I though it would set on fire. But he served it to me, just in time, at the modest price of $2. (I can hear you EU-ians laughing—that's like, what, 0.0017 Euros?) (Actually, it's 1.27064803 Euros.)

But, wait, the magic isn't over: As I walked the rest of the way back, I passed another backhoe digging site along 7th, except this time the hoe was still as two guys were grinding away at something in the pit. The sparks coming out of this thing were spectactular, really, I hope to see something half as glorious during the 4th this weekend, which I'll likely spend in Williamsburg (the original, in Virginia, of course) or Yorktown (again, in Virginia—in fact, the place where it was ultimately decided we'd retain the sovereignty with which to preserve this celebration). But what struck me about this magical image of the continued forging (inside joke for some of you) of America's future was the fact that the backhoe operator, amidst all this sturm und drang, was comfortably nestled within the womb of his mechanical alter ego, texting some buddy or loved one through the modern wonder of cellular technology.

Dancing. Alcohol. Music. Lights. People. Tennis. Machinery. Dirt. Asphalt. Earth. Friction. Sparks. Bandwidth. Handheld cellular communication devices. Asynchronous textual communication infrastructure. Pretzels. Apartment. TV. Bed.

While writing this with fingers swollen almost the size of the mechanical bull I fell from Saturday, I finished the pretzel from Penn Station that tasted like a million hot dogs (probably quite literally) from the comfort of a corporate apartment I'll trade for my own hole-in-the-wall soon. These are the things that get me by in this life, along with the love and well-wishes of friends.

What do you know, I found one last bite and a pinch of salt at the bottom of my pretzel bag. Nirvana!

Hyperextension

Tonight, at the Mason Dixon bar in the East Village, I rode a mechanical bull for the first time. I hyperextended the three leftmost fingers on my left hand upon landing. They're puffy, but definitely not broken. Apparently, though, my performance was one that made Virginia proud. So, hey, I'm not complaining.

Euro 2008

Euro 2008 is happening. Like most Americans, I'm not a "football" fan, though I probably ought to be, considering how addicted the rest of the world is and how compelled I am to stand and surrender my attention whenever I do catch a match by chance.

Yesterday, I happened to walk past an Irish pub on 33rd street that had a chalkboard stand out in front announcing that they'd be displaying a match between Spain and Sweden. Though I didn't slip inside the pub and enjoy it live, I was pleased to discover this morning that Spain defeated Sweden 2-1. Somehow, that feels strangely satisfying.

Say Something Nice

One of the things I've gotten better and better about, especially given my (almost permanent) relocation to New York and the increased responsibility that's come with it, is deciding how best to spend my time and take care of myself. I chose to do a good job managing instead of half-assing managing and coding. I've stopped eating lots of fatty and cholesterol-laden foods and started consuming much more salads and chicken. I've started doing less to put myself in the spotlight and more to create opportunities for others. I've stopped dating and started waiting. I've started running, up to four times a week, down the West Side Highway from Chelsea down to Tribeca with Lady Liberty lighting my way. (Battery Park, you will be mine! Oh yes, you will be mine!) Generally speaking, I'm feeling much better physically, mentally, and spiritually than I was even in, say, February—no, make that mid-May. My life feels more like it's mine with each of these little commitments.

This process has been the opposite of natural. A commitment to myself feels like a potential betrayal to others. Every time I've had the somewhat powerful urge to throw everything away and run back to a simpler life, I've managed to stop myself at the very edge and ask the question: "What would I do if I were the person I wish I could be, instead of who I am?" It may take me a while to follow through, but I've rarely failed to commit to the action I clearly realize is the right one to take. However, the question keeps coming up, more and more frequently somehow, and answering it—well, to be more precise, accepting and committing to the right answer—doesn't always get easier.

The absinthe experience was not a good one, and not one worth recounting, on many levels. The right thing is to nevermind the absinthe, so let's do that.

This week has been busy and productive, and next week promises to be doubly so. Plus, I was rather delighted this past week to be reminded that my friends didn't all have the bends. Such thoughts carry me through sad, exhausted, frustrated, lonely, jealous moments. And the right thing to do is to end the post on that note.

A Day (Weekend, Really) of Awesome

9:30am
Wake up on MM&L's couch near Old Town Alexandria. Finally back on normal sleep cycle. Thumb through some of MM&L's books (The Name of the Rose; A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius; What is the What). Take shower. Take in one last glimpse of the George Washington Masonic Memorial from the front porch as we depart for breakfast. (Yes, that George Washington.)

11:45am
Breakfast with MM at La Madeline in Georgetown. Bonjour omelette (ham, Swiss, mushrooms); amazing croissant. Perfect weather for the third day in a row (nearly unheard of in DC/Virginia in general).

1:15pm
Trip to the National Archives for a peek at the Declaration of Independence (a lot more faded than I expected; could barely see "John Hancock"!), the Constitution , and the Bill of Rights. Afterwards, MM drops me off downtown in DC to catch my bus; banging the top of my head against the trunk lid doesn't break the skin.

2:30pm
Board the BoltBus at 11th and G NW, bound for New York. Listen to every Radiohead album from OK Computer to In Rainbows (skipping only the title track to Kid A) while gazing nostalgically out the window at the East Coast countryside—sometimes all deciduous trees; sometimes suburbia; sometimes wide rivers or distant shorelines; sometimes factories and high-voltage wires. Feels more beautiful now that I'm here because I want to be, not because I can't get away. Terminates in glorious view of Manhattan and the backside of the Statue of Liberty.

7:30pm
Emerge from the Holland Tunnel, cruise past the Ghostbusters firehouse in Tribeca, and disembark at 33rd and 7th, near Penn Station. Call K, make plans for gelato after dinner, drop off bags, call Mom. Get dinner—a "healthy salad" at my one of my favorite spots, the Cafe Angelique, with one of the best cups of coffee of my life.

9:00pm
After an aborted attempt to meet halfway, K and I finally manage to meet up for gelato at Grom, at Bleeker and 7th. I got hazelnut and espresso; she got chocolate hazelnut and vanilla. She paid. Sat at the little park across the street, with the beautiful fountain. Perfect weather, but had to lick all around the cup as the gelato was melting. Didn't know how awesome an idea gelato was on an evening like this until we were there enjoying it.

10:00pm
Grab a small decaf coffee from Starbucks on my way back home, to finish off the day. Decide to blog about this day before I forget how awesome it really was.

Thanks, MM. (And L! And K.)

Sleepless

Can't sleep.

Last week I traveled to Hong Kong for an internal conference; my first time to Asia, and a 12-hour time difference. A 15-hour flight, and the flight there took us right over the North Pole. Fantastic time, though it coincided with the earthquake disaster. In addition to giving to the relief effort (which I will, shortly), I can't wait to return to visit several of the offices there.

Came back just in time to party with all my friends in Team Supersnack in preparation for our triumphant, $55K-raising AIDS Walk appearance. We didn't really drink that much, but we were up late and up early the entire time. Some of that lateness involved three guitars, with me behind one of them for the first time in forever. Had so much fun, I even forgot I couldn't sing.

It just occurred to me that most "blogs" are dedicated to commenting on some sort of meme. This one is devolving into more of a personal journal. OK, here's an attempt at one: Any one else find the new Battlestar Galactica boring? Granted, I didn't start watching until this season, and haven't watched the previous ones yet, so maybe I'm just lost. But, really, everyone on that show is so intense all the time, yet nothing seems to really happen! It seems unnatural. If these people were really human, wouldn't they have to break the tension with a not-work-appropriate joke now and then? Or perhaps I'm just too dumb to get it.

Battlestar is getting me to think, however, that perhaps I should affect an air of tortured, unwilling religious visionary. For obvious reasons. A whole roomful of obvious reasons.

Heh, an ad on SciFi just used "don't break the seal" as a tag line for The Mummy. I just may have to finally watch it now.

1:41am, and still can't sleep. Think I'll play a little guitar.

Manning Up

Back to NoVA this weekend for A's b-day—an act known, according to the Evite, as "manning up". Oh, but don't be fooled: Manning-up (as best I understand it) is not a one-time commitment which establishes proof of one's honor and virility; it is an ongoing process of answering the challenges of one's most dogged critics (aka "closest friends") lest the world catch a whiff of and raise a sneered nostril at your pathetic unmanliness.

In an effort to squeeze every last drop of value from my aborted attempt to pursue a English lit degree (which, in part, was an aborted attempt to become a rock star), I'll indulge in bending this good-naturedly adolescent morsel of machismo to its metaphorical limits. To begin, I posit that there are two distinct classes of "manning-up", implicit and explicit; that the former is far more frequent; and the latter is far more fulfilling.

Implicit manning-up is the one with which most of us are likely most familiar. It is the practice of constant emotional self-denial which one must maintain when faced with the minor indignities of day-to-day life. It can be something as large as switching career paths, swallowing pride, facing fear, and starting from square one, with all the insecurities and humiliations which come with. It can be something as small and insignificant as having someone cut you off on the sidewalk as if you weren't even there. It can be as public as having a project falter, or as private as swallowing one's feelings and biting one's tongue when a date doesn't work out, or a close friend proves out-of-tune and lets you down.

Explicit manning-up is a veiled expression of deep affection shared amongst close friends, masquerading as threatened humiliation. It's a perverted form of faith in one's fellow (hu)man and a desire to see him (or her) happy and successful, since hard-ass challenges are more socially acceptable than heartfelt encouragement. (Or, at least, they inspire a lot more creativity, which makes the whole relationship more fun.) Had enough to drink? Man-up and have another. Can't go out tonight? Man up and be there for your boys. Can't come to A's party? Man-up and show him some love.

This may be a stretch, but I believe that the secret to happiness in life is striking the right balance between these implicit and explicit forms. Too much implicit manning-up, and you risk becoming isolated, hard, and/or depressed. Not enough, and you remain soft, shapeless, naive. Too much explicit manning-up, and the line between affection and cruelty may become blurry. Not enough, and you risk becoming isolated, hard, and/or depressed.

What it comes down to, I think, is that we're all in this together to help each other man-up. No one can honestly man-up alone.

In conclusion, I think it's high-time those slackers at PCW manned-up and started having opinions again. The world needs to hear them.

Expanding Horizons

First thought: I need to learn French. There are a lot of hot women in the city speaking French—especially in the West Village, near Washington Square Park. (And, oh, yeah, I guess it would be useful/fun to learn for other reasons, too.)

Went for a loooong walk through Tribeca today. Early on, I stopped by a place called Bubby's for one of the most fantastic breakfasts I've had in a long time. I was also tickled to see a dish with Smithfield ham topping their brunch menu; I didn't order it, though.

Just a few moments ago, I checked my email, and saw a curious ad at the top for something called "cougar" bars. Guess it's a sign I'm over the internet pr0n phase of my adolescence that I innocently clicked on the link out of genuine curiosity and got more enlightenment than I'd bargained for.

My mother used to drive a '69 Cougar when I was very small. Don't know how I feel about this new association.

So why was I lurking around Tribeca all morning and most of the afternoon, and receiving targeted ads for specialty bars in my email? Believe it or not, it's related to a small, fun project I'm putting together at work. Seriously. I'll explain more later.

Keeping the Sidewalks Safe

Walking down Bleeker Street towards 6th Avenue with my new corporate roommate—his first time outside of Australia—a siren squawked briefly from behind. After I made a quick step to the left, an NYPD cruiser squeezed past the stopped traffic, two wheels on the sidewalk rolling right through where I had been.

God, how I love this city!

Last night I slept better than I have all week. All week, I'd stay up late, but would still wake up after four or five hours, too tired to get up, but unable to return to sleep. Amazing what ills an evening with good friends can cure.

This morning I took a stroll through the West Village, and decided to keep going all the way down Hudson through Tribeca, previously unexplored terrain. Hooked a left when it intersected West Broadway, and wandered back up through Soho.

Before stopping at the Borgia Cafe at Spring and West Broadway for brunch and a latte, I passed by an art gallery. In the window sat a photo of Jimi straining to bend a note, an image I must've seen a thousand times before. This time, however, after the great time out with friends last night, and walking all around the city throughout the brisk-yet-gorgeous morning, seeing Jimi pouring himself into that single, silent, distant note jolted me into a moment of clarity. There's one reason above all I love this city so much, why it accepts me, why it inspires me, why it makes me feel like a better human being, why nowhere else feels as right: This is home.

Slow Day After Zanzibar

I stand firmly convinced that a moderate amount of excess is necessary for a balanced soul. Sometimes the surest cure for a case of workaholism is a swift kick to the consciousness.

The upside is that my imagination is back on fire; the downside is that I'm too exhausted to do anything with it today.

Gonna make time this week to figure out what needs figuring out at work to make this gig permanent.

Working Late

Walking home through Chelsea past the open front of (what I presume is) a gay bar, I randomly heard—think I heard, at least—a word that made my day:

Vaginarian.

All this time, I thought I defied categorization. Clearly, I was wrong.

Cafe Angelique

I'm moving back to New York. Probably some time in April, if I can swing it.

California is a beautiful state with great weather, and is fantastic for outdoor getaways. But for now, I'm kinda over it. Living in the South Bay for a couple of years, at headquarters, has given me a lot of what I wanted: A taste for the West Coast; an exciting boost to my career; a chance to find my own style and voice in an environment that demands excellence, rather than settles for good enough (if that). Plus, now I can die saying, "I lived in California"—which, given the perspective I had on life growing up in Hampton Roads, is tantamount to saying "I lived on the Moon."

But being back in New York for the past couple of months has convinced me that this is the place that I really need to be right now. New York is where I headed after I cut ties with Virginia in 2005, and it's still the place where I feel the most at ease in the world.

This morning I had breakfast at a place on Bleeker Street called the Cafe Angelique—just as French as it sounds. In between the omelette and the salad—yes, apparently, the French have salads for breakfast, and now I can't blame them—and in between glimpsing at the students, the well-dressed retirees, the young couples, and the solitaires like myself, I noticed something else: I was having a perfectly great experience, by myself, surrounded in this place on all sides by the life and energy that makes New York uniquely its own phenomenon.

Sometime today I'll sign up for Improv clases at the UCB; I've been out of theatre for way too long, and what better way to throw myself into the heart and soul of the city? I hope that'll open other doors, too, especially to find people I can strum along with on my guitar for the first time in about a decade.

Though I still have the best job in the world and pour tons of energy and imagination and passion into it, there's something to be said for making time for yourself. At least in New York, there'll always be something to do with that time, and someone to do it with.